Capricious
by Faeron
Summary: He knows only one thing. That when she's his and his only, he will never let her go. So he says the only thing he can think of. "I love you, Kate." She looks up at him fear in her eyes, but no hesitation."I love you, too Rick."
1. Chapter 1

Something's different about today.

Those are her first thoughts when sleep starts to release her from it's clutches.

But when she sits up, when she looks around the well lit room everything is as it was the night before.

Sunlight streaming through her bedroom windows, she must have forgotten to close the blinds last night, clothes that she had shucked when she got home last night still littering the floor, everything in it its place.

Yet something's off.

She can feel it in the way the sun filters through the room, and when she stands and makes her way to the bathroom she can feel it in how the air moves around her.

After she relieves herself in the bathroom, she strides over to her bedside table and opens her jewelry box as she does every other morning.

Pausing before she slips her mother's ring over her head, she looks down at the single piece of jewelry that has provided so much comfort over the years and wonders if there will ever be a time when she will not need it close to her.

She had thought, though it's actually rather stupid now that she thinks about it, that when she got married she wouldn't need it anymore. That her husband would be enough.

How wrong she had been.

And when slips the chain over her head and buckles her father's watch onto her wrist, she sighs, remembering her wedding day, how happy she had been that day and how she had been looking forward to her life with the man she was about to walk down the isle too.

Now she wishes for something more.

Something more than what her life is, because what it consists of is nothing but quick conversation that leads to fights and months of loneliness while he is away on business and so much hostility and resentment that sometimes she wonders why she hasn't served him with divorce papers yet.

She stares at her wedding band for a while and debates wearing it.

It would be the first day she hasn't worn it in three years.

When she finally places it back in the box and closes the lid, the smiling faces that stare back at her haunt her as well as they make her smile, because the pictures on top are that of her and Josh on their wedding day and her parents before her mother was taken so cruelly from her.  
_

She's been walking around the park for well over an hour.

Just watching the children play and couples walk amongst her.

When she comes upon one of the larger playgrounds she sits on an old wooden bench and watches the children that are nearby. The children are all quite small, only about two or three, she takes in their fat, red cheeks and smiles wistfully. How she wishes she had one of her own.

Then she's imagining herself with a large, rounded belly, feeling the baby kick and wriggle around inside of her stomach as it grows and develops. Then getting to hold her baby after months of wondering and longing, just to have her baby in her arms.

She has a dazzling smile covering her face as she thinks about it.

And just like that the smile is gone.

She's always wanted children and every time she tries to talk to Josh about having one he panics and tells her he's not ready for a family beyond just her and himself yet and then he's flying out the door claiming he has to run to work or has an errand to run.

And after three years surely that should be enough time to get used to the idea of children or at least start warming up to the idea.

But he won't budge on this one issue and sooner or later things are going to come to a head , they aren't getting any younger and she wants a child soon.

When a scream pulls her from her thoughts she whips her head up from where she was gazing off into space and immediately is looking around for any children in distress. When she finds the source of the commotion she realizes it was just a child and her father playing around the jungle gym.

A tiny read headed little girl, can't be any older than two or three. The father standing with his back to her has to be over six foot, with broad shoulders and full head of dark brown hair.

The father has the girl in his arms hanging upside down, and even from here Kate can see the huge smile covering the small child's face.

The girl begins tugging on her fathers arm until he relents and lifts her up from the uncomfortable position. After the girl is righted she whacks her father in the arm while exclaiming loudly "Don't do that, Daddy!".

While the father apologizes the girl cuddles into her fathers arms, once again safe, and rests her head upon his shoulder.

Beckett turns her gaze away from them smiling at the fathers antics and when she turns back bright blue eyes are on her.

The little girl lifts her head from her fathers shoulders to smile and wave at her. A little flustered at being caught watching the pair Kate takes a moment to realize that she should wave back to the girl.

The girl then tugs at her fathers shirt to get his attention and a moment later he's turning to look back at her.

She smiles kindly to him and when she gets a glimpse of his face a fleeting sense of recognition overcomes her, like she might know him from somewhere.

He puts the small red head on her feet and watches after her as she takes off.

When the girl returns to her father she holds her hands out to him holding something Kate can't see from here, but the father nods and the girl takes off again.

This time in Beckett's direction.

Her eyes widen and she smiles nervously as the girl draws closer to her, when she gets to her the girl is holding out a hand full of bright yellow daisy's and states "You looked sad, so I thought that maybe you would like something to make you happy and my daddy always gets me flowers when I'm sad so I thought maybe these would help."

And it's so simple, Kate can't help smiling brightly at the young girl as she takes the flowers.

"Thank you so much, you have no idea how much they do help."

When she looks up the girls father is standing in front of them, smiling politely with his hands in his pockets.

He looks down at his daughter pride evident in his face, pulls his hands out and greets Kate, " Hi, I'm Richard Castle and this here is Alexis," he says as he runs his fingers through his daughters hair affectionately. He holds his hand out to her and as they shake hands she answers "I'm Kate Beckett and your daughter here is very lovely."

She looks to Alexis just in time to see the girls bright red cheeks before she quickly buries her face in her fathers leg.

She smiles at the girl and then scoots over to make room for them next to her.

They take a seat and after a few minutes of conversation Alexis grows bored and asks if it's alright to go play with the other children after given the ok she runs off in the direction of the jungle gym.

They are silent for a moment until Rick breaks the quiet that has descended upon them.

"So, if you don't mind me asking... You aren't married are you? I haven't noticed a ring, but that doesn't always mean anything, you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

She tries her hardest not to seem upset when she answers and of course she's not upset because of the question, it's because of the answer she has to give him. "Um, yes I am married."

If he notices the lack of enthusiasm in her voice he doesn't say so, just nods and slumps slightly in his seat.

"Figures, most of the good women are."

She can't help but laugh at his statement. "How do you know I'm a good woman, I mean you've really only known for about thirty minutes now."

He shrugs. "I can just tell."

She gives him an unconvincing look and he smiles at her.

"I've been with a few good women, mostly bad, but generally you can tell the difference between the two. The bad ones always have fake smiles and laugh to much. As opposed to good women who only laugh when expected and you can always tell their real smiles are real, because it reaches their eyes."

She nods and ducks her head.

"Well you're very kind."

"Thank you." He murmurs quietly, when she looks up to meet his eyes their incredibly blue and she wants to lean in and kiss him.

She shakes the thought from her head and turns away from him effectively severing their eye contact.

He clears his throat to say something and just then thunder cracks loudly throughout the sky. They hadn't even noticed the dark clouds closing in on the once bright and sunny day.

He calls for Alexis and she comes back to her father quickly and then their making their way out of the park. They're at her car when Beckett turns to say goodbye and Castle is holding a card out to her.

"This is my number, I was thinking maybe we could go for coffee tomorrow or if you're busy maybe some other time." And she doesn't think he's asking her on a date. She did tell him she's married, but the look he's giving her...

He smiles nervously as she hesitantly accepts the card and nods her head, asking herself what the harm would be to just take his number.

"I'll think about it." She tells him once she's got the card tucked away in her pocket.

He smiles at her once more then turns to leave with Alexis on his hip.  
_

It's unexpected that she finds Josh at home when she gets there, after all he was supposed to be gone another week.

He hugs her hard and gives her a lingering kiss, a promise of more to come later- even though she's not so sure she wants the promise.

After she escapes to their bedroom, the excuse of "Let me change" hanging from her lips as she leaves the room, she pulls Castle's card out of her pocket and sets it down on the dresser for a moment and stares at it.

Really what would be the harm?

After she's made a decision she hides the card in her drawer and changes quickly.

She doesn't really feel guilty about her decision, because really, how harmful can two people having coffee be?  
_

I would really love to know what you thought.


	2. Chapter 2

She waits a few days before she calls him. Mostly because she has work, but also because she's nervous. She is married after all and this sort of feels like a first date. With a man who is not her husband and she knows she should feel guiltier than she does.

But she doesn't feel bad, not really.

It's her first day off since they met when she calls him.

"Hello?" Comes the breathless reply.

"Uhh, Rick, hi it's me Kate? From the park the other day.. I can call back later if this is a bad time."

"Oh no! I'm just having some fun with Alexis, how are you?"

"Oh I'm great thank you, I was just wondering if you wanted to get together today for some coffee?"

"Actually, that would be great, Alexis is going to stay with a friend, she leaves in about an hour.. So if you wanted to get together around twelve that would be perfect."

"Yeah, that sounds good, I'm free all day. So where do you want to meet?

"Oh yeah! There's actually this really good coffee shop about a block or two from my place, I could text you the address and we can meet there."

"That sounds great." She can't help the smile beginning to spread over her face.

"Alright, I'll see you in about and hour."  
_

When she gets to the coffee shop, he's already seated in a booth with his back to her.

He doesn't look up until she's seated across from him and when he sees her his face breaks into a smile.

"Hi." She says a bit shyly.

"Hey, it's good to see you again."

"It's nice to see you, too." She smiles back to him.

"I took the liberty of ordering a plate of cookies, but I wasn't sure how you took your coffee."

"Oh that's fine I'll just tell the waitress when she comes by."

"So how has your week been?" He asks curiously.

"Oh it was good, pretty much just work."

"Oh, what do you do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh ah... I'm a..." She hesitates. "Sorry it's just when I tell people what I do they kind of freak out and run away. I'm a homicide detective."

His mouth dropped and she knew he was about to run.

"That's so cool! I'm a mystery writer so I mean, it's almost the same... Not really though."

She chuckles. "Oh you write, anything I might have heard of?"

"Oh just uh, Storm Season, Storm Warning..."

It was her turn for her jaw to drop.

"Oh my god! Are you serious? You're Richard Castle! How did I not see that sooner?"

He just laughs. "So I guess you've heard of me?"

"Let's just say heard is an understatement and leave it at that."

"Oh no! Now I have to know, do you have posters hanging in your room? What about t-shirts? I bet your closet is full of shirts with my face on them."

She smirks. "Full of yourself are you now Rick?"

He runs a hand through his hair and gives her a regretful look. "Maybe just a little bit."

She laughs and is about to respond when the waitress walks over for her coffee order.

"So if you don't mind me asking, why don't you wear your wedding ring?"

When she's silent for a long moment he quickly back tracks. "You don't have to answer that, I was just curious, that's ok."

She gives him a great-full look. "No, no it's fine. I don't mind. It's just me and my husband... We don't really get along anymore, he's always gone for his job and I don't see him a whole lot."

"Oh I understand, that's how it was with Alexis's mother there in the end. We never got along and she was gone a lot for work- she's an actress- so in the end when I caught her cheating, that was the last straw."

"Oh wow, I'm sorry about that for you. I couldn't imagine what that would be like."

"It hurt, but in the end I realized with all the fighting and taking care of Alexis on my own I wasn't really in love with her anymore so I was okay."

She sighs and looks out the window. The conversation had gotten heavy pretty quickly. This man that she knew next to nothing about was talking to her about things she hasn't told any one ever.

It scared her.

"Me and Josh... We just don't get along anymore and I'm not sure we really want the same things. He loves his career and I understand that because I love mine, but... I want a family and he's just... I don't know. He won't talk to me about it. He just runs away."

"I'm sorry."

She looks up and he's smiling at her sadly.

"Anyways, enough of that, tell me more about Alexis. She was incredibly sweet the other day."  
_

When they are finished with their coffee and outside on the street he turns to her.

"I would really like to see you again, and Alexis has been begging to see you all week, would you want to come by for dinner some time?"

"Let me get home and check my schedule, I'll let you know, I would love to come over sometime though."

"Sounds great, just let me know."  
_

That night her and Josh are eating dinner, nothing but the sound of forks clinking against plates echoing around them.

When she looks up from her plate, only fleetingly, she catches Josh's gaze, he smiles lightly at her and she tries to smile back, obviously she doesn't fare very well, because the smile drops off his face and he sighs loudly.

"Look Kate, if something's bothering you why don't you just tell me?"

She doesn't answer for a moment carefully going over what she wants say in her mind before she says it, in the end she decides the best approach is to be direct.

"I want to have a baby."

The words are spoken clearly she's very sure of this, but just this one thing. She hopes he doesn't notice that she didn't say she wants to have a baby with him, but then she almost hopes he does.

Of course that's not the case, that's never the case. He doesn't know how to read between the lines.

He puts down his fork and begins to speak, but then he closes his mouth and she can see him shutting off, he still doesn't want a baby and if he's not willing to try with her then she's not willing to wait for him. Not anymore.

When he finally speaks his voice is quiet. Like he's trying to be nice, but the underlying tone is anything but kind.

"I don't think we're ready for a baby, Kate."

Disbelief colors her face and she pushes out from the table. Tired of having the same conversation every time this comes up.

"How is three years not long enough to be ready Josh? Five if you count how long we dated. If you don't want a baby I need you to tell me, because if you don't I can't do this. It's not just your future it's mine too and if your not willing to compromise then I can't help make this work! You have to give a little." Her voice has risen higher and higher as she had spoken and by the time she's finished she's yelling.

"Kate, a baby is not giving a little, that's giving a lot and I understand you want children and I hope I can eventually give that to you, but we still have years to think about it. Years to discuss it and decide if that's really what we want!"

By now Kate is shoving her plate into the sink and whirling around to shout her angry retort back at him.

"I don't need to think about it Josh, I know I want a baby and not in a few years I want one now. Actually I wanted one last year, but you always evade me and tell me we'll talk about it later. It's starting to get ridiculous! If you can't make up your mind in the next few months, I don't know that we'll last much longer. This is something I'm not going to just forget about and move passed. So decide. If you're ready for this relationship to be over and you want out you need to tell me now, if you want to keep me you need to wake up and realize I'm not going to wait forever."

They're standing across the kitchen from one another facing each other one at the sink, the other at the table. One face is contorted with anger the other in pain.

Josh sinks back down in his seat, the fight draining out of him.

They are silent for a long moment and finally Josh pushes back from the table and leaves the room. She hears him walking towards the door, a few moments later the jingle of his keys and then the door slams shut as he walks out on her again.  
_

Sorry for the delay. Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

When she gets home Friday night the lights have been dimmed and there are candles everywhere. She sighs deeply, knowing what's about to happen already. This is always how he apologizes.

He thinks a night in bed fixes everything.

She tosses her purse on the entry way table and hangs her keys up. She takes her time going slowly as she puts her coat in the closet and finally when she has nothing else to do she heads to the bedroom.

He's sitting in one of the armchairs near the window. Looking out on the city. A bottle of wine and two glasses sit in front of him on the table.

She leans against the door frame, but doesn't say anything.

Finally he turns to look at her.

He doesn't say anything at first. Just looks at her.

Finally she speaks. "What are you doing Josh?"

He sighs and stands. "I want to apologize.. And talk."

"Why so you can just walk out again?"

He rubs a hand across his face and heaves a deep breath. "No Kate, I don't want to fight again. I want to work things out."

"Ok go ahead then." She says expectantly.

"I want you in my life. I don't want to lose you. So if that means having a baby So be it."

This is not what she expected. At all.

"So you're saying you'll have kids?"

He sighs. "If that's what it takes to keep you in my life. Then yes. We can have a baby."

And she's honestly speechless. She has nothing to say. She never ever thought he would give in like that. Never thought it would be this easy. And she can't keep from wondering why she's not happy about his decision.

This is what she's always wanted. A family.

She doesn't say anything to him. Only nods.

"So what now?" He asks.

"I don't know, Josh. I'm still angry that you walked out on me earlier this week."

"I know and I know I deserve that, but I really am sorry. I just don't deal with things well."

"Yeah I know, but I don't understand how you go from... From not being sure about having kids ever to.. This."

"Kate I told you. I want you in my life. I love you. And if having a baby is what it takes then ok. Bring it on."

"Will you even care about the baby? You say your only ok with it because you don't want to lose me... But I can't have a child with you if your not going to even care about them."

"No of course I'll care Kate. I'm not a total monster. I love you, I want you. Please let's do this want this too."

She was still skeptical, she had never just been given what she wanted she always had to work for it... and now he was just giving it to her. Just giving in..

So she just stopped thinking. "Ok."

He looked up hopeful. "Ok?"

She gave him a small smile and nodded her head. "Let's make a baby."  
_

The next morning she walks into the kitchen and finds Josh making breakfast.

"Hey."

"Good morning" he says without turning around.

"What are you making?"

"Just eggs and bacon."

She goes to grab juice from the fridge and when she turns around Josh is there with a steaming plate of the breakfast just promised.

She takes the plate and makes her way to the breakfast bar.

Josh stands on the other side of the bar eating his own plate.

After a moment of silence Josh speaks.

"I have something I have to tell you."

She pauses and looks up at him. "What?"

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm leaving for another mission in about a week."

She drops her fork back to her plate and stands.

"Seriously?! You just got back two weeks ago! I thought you were taking a break!"

"I was going to, but they told me they need me. Dr. Fields wife just found out she has cancer and he cancelled."

"How long?"

He's quiet for a moment. "They say three months."

She just stares at him. "You know what. Whatever. Do what you want you always do anyways. Ditch me as soon as we decide to start trying for a baby. I don't care anymore."

"Kate, please-"

"No Josh. It's always your job. It's always going to be your job and never me. I'm over it I'm done."

Then just like he has to her, she walks out on him.  
_

Short chapter I know. I promise. The next one will be longer.

But a couple things.

I have most of this story already mapped out. So anything that happens has already been planned I'm not going into this blind. I have most of the major plot points written so it's just a matter of filling in the spaces between.

If you guys like Josh you will be deeply disappointed with this story. I can't stand Josh. I never liked him and never will. He just came across as a jerk to me. So with that being said he's going to be a MAJOR douche in this story. Like the worst ever.

Lol anyways thank you for reading and I'm glad your enjoying this. I hope your having a lovely day.


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